Lauren and Her Confidence
Hey Y’all! Happy Post Day! This post is special for a few reasons. First, I have a co-author on this post, my hubby, Armand. Secondly, we are writing about our girl, first born, Lauren. Lovingly known as LoLo. And lastly, we are writing about confidence and how we, as her parents, are making sure we raise her to have it and not lack it. And even in those low confident moments, how to build it back up.
Confidence (noun) - the telling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.
Self Confidence (noun) - a feeling of trust in ones abilities qualities and judgement.
Like any parent, you never want your children to struggle, but you also know it will happen. Struggle is no respecter of person. It doesn’t matter your age, ethnicity, gender, economic status and more.
Lauren, is a sweet, loving, thoughtful, strong willed and Jesus loving little girl. Before COVID-19, while picking LoLo up from school, her teacher gave me an update on her progress. She had many wonderful things to say and had one concern. To be honest, she said so many wonderful things, I had no clue of what she may be concerned with. She covered her behavior, school work and more. So, I was at a loss. She expressed that she was concerned with Lo’s confidence.
To be transparent, I was a bit surprised we would be addressing this for a five year old. We (Armand and I), addressed a couple of small confidence moments at home, but I thought we had worked things out. Yes! I know that was a naive way of thinking. Quick fix? No!
Why would I, someone who has struggled with confidence for a while, think this would be a quick fix?
Lauren is the spitting image of Armand, but has a lot of me on the inside. What were we going to do?
Prior to speaking wth her teacher, we started having her recite affirmations and increasing our affirmations towards her. Her affirmations include and not limited to-
“I am smart.”
“I am beautiful.”
“I am strong.”
“I am courageous.”
“I am brave.”
“But most of all, I am a child of God.”
Afterward, we began to observe her more. Pay more attention to the little things, especially what she was saying. We really started working with her on changing her negative speak to positive speak. Such as, “I can’t” to “I can” or “I will try.” We also began to read her confidence building books. Especially those that had girls of color doing amazing things. The books include -
I AM…(Positive Affirmations For Brown Girls) by Ayesha Rodriguez
ABC What Can She Be? by Sugar Snap Studio
Sophia Sparks: A Little Inventor with Incredible Ideas by Eleanor Best
ABC I LOVE ME by Miriam Muhammad
She Persisted: 13 American Women Who Changed the World by Chelsea Clinton/ Alexandra Boiger
Dancing in the Wings by Debbie Allen
When God Made You by Matthew Paul Turner/ David Catrow
There are more we have our eyes on for her (and Langston).
As time has passed, we’re seeing her confidence grow. Whether it’s regarding her school work, trying something new, expressing herself with her words or just doing things around the house. She will even correct herself when she says, “I can’t.” Its so great to hear because just a few short months ago, she was a different little girl. She loves encouraging and supporting others. And we LOVE that. But we also LOVE to see her encouraging herself and standing up to her fears. As someone that has struggled with confidence for a good portion of her life, I know that struggles with confidence will happen at different times in her life. We hope and pray with our encouragement, teaching, and guiding, she will bounce back quickly. That she won’t sit in the low confident place too long. That was my problem. Bouncing back and sitting in that place became comfortable, and was not healthy at all. And I definitely don’t want Lo to do that.
I asked Armand to write a letter to our Lauren. That letter is below. I truly felt it was important to have a letter from her daddy. The father / daughter relationship is such a crucial relationship and we definitely want her to know that she has the support, love and encouragement from the first man in her life. The first man she loved. Please see below.
Dear Lauren,
Before you were born, I prayed for a daughter. And God truly answered that prayer by giving me you! Now, I had a beautiful girl to love and raise. There’s so much I want to show you, but it seems like there’s so little time to do so. So, I’ll say this: Love God, be you, and go conquer the world!! You are spectacular, and don’t believe otherwise. Life is full of surprises, but you can handle them. You’re smart and courageous. The world will try to change you, people may want to lead you astray, but stay the course. Have the confidence to be different. You will not fit in, because you’re made to stand out. It will feel lonely, doubt may creep in, but don’t quit. Do. Not. Quit. Look in the mirror and smile knowing “I got this.” Good Lord says the same, I’ll get to see the wonderful impact you’ll have on this world. You are great!
Love, Dad
We are not professionals, when it comes to this topic, but I felt that it was necessary to share. We truly hope this is an encouragement to someone. Especially, if you are dealing with this right now. Being a parent, there is such a great responsibility for another life. And at times it can be challenging and overwhelming, but it is truly an honor to walk in this role. Many times, I’ve wondered why things happened in my life the way they did. Now that I’m a parent, I can see that some of those things, if not all, were to help my children. Some of those lessons were hard to learn. Yet, I’m happy, and grateful to have learned them. I’m able to pass the some insight on to our children. The same thing we are doing with our Lauren, we are doing with our son as well. Although he may be two years old, we are working on building his confidence. Immediately after their devotion time, we say the affirmations and he LOVES it. He participates. You may not understand every word, but he is trying to say it. It’s never to early to plant that seed. Our prayer is the seed we planted, will take root, and produce confident children. Confident children able to handle those low moments, when they arise.
Below are few scriptures to help build/instill confidence in our children.
Psalm 139:13-14- 13 For You formed my inward parts; You ]covered me in my mother’s womb. 14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, and that my soul knows very well.
Proverbs 3:3 -6 3 Let not mercy and truth forsake you; Bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart, 4 And so find favor and high esteem in the sight of God and man. 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.
Jeremiah 17:7 “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is the Lord.”
Philippians 1:6 6 "being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;”
Joshua 1:9 9 “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”
Dear Lord,
Thank you for the opportunity to be parents. Thank you for entrusting us with our children. Although this role is not always a walk in the park and comes with many challenges, we are GRATEFUL. Lord, please continue to help us with building and instilling confidence in our children. Lord, even at those low moments when we seem to not have the answer, please guide us and continue to help us guide them. Lord, we aren’t parents without You and we most definitely can’t raise them, guide them and advise them without You. THANK YOU, Father. We love You! In Jesus’ name we pray, AMEN.
With Love,